Don’t Make Me Blog About You

I Get Riled Up! And That’s O.K.

The goal of Collaborative Problem Solving is to reach a satisfying solution for all involved, but it’s a process and the process contains a number of stages. For me, the first...READ MORE

Telling Other People What To Do…

Think of this blog post as part II of “Don’t Tell Me What to Do.” When my husband read my post the other day, he was incredulous. He laughed in...READ MORE

“Beggars Can’t be Choosers”

Begging is imploring others to grant a favor. It is not an empowered position, and making a habit of it doesn’t lead to healthy, balanced, fulfilling relationships. If you believe beggars...READ MORE

Cheating

The web site Ashley Madison’s tag line was: “Life is short. Have an affair. We’re the premier website for discreet connections.” When millions of names and personal information were leaked online following...READ MORE

Choices

We make choices all the time in our relationships. ” Should I stay or should I go now, if I go there will be trouble. An’ if I stay it will be...READ MORE

It’s O.K. to get Angry

It’s o.k. to get angry. A matter of fact, it’s o.k. to get really, really mad. But we need to be conscious about what we choose to do with that anger...READ MORE

Say It Don’t Spray It

When I’m in conversation with people, I’m often attuned to the apparent disconnects between what they are saying is so and what appears to actually be true. The thing about...READ MORE

An Emotional Man

A friend of mine recently told my daughter that she should marry an emotional man. I’ve been thinking quite a bit about this comment, and what it means to be...READ MORE

Why Emotional Intelligence Trumps IQ

When it comes to personal and professional success, emotional intelligence is our biggest asset. Daniel Goleman’s research provides overwhelming evidence that emotional intelligence can be learned and is the biggest...READ MORE

Forge Ahead but Don’t Linger

I heard an interview a while back on NPR with Judy Collins. It was a great interview. And there was one thing she said that got me thinking. And the more...READ MORE

Any Thinking Person Would Agree!

“Uh…hmmmm,  no!” We are all thinking people. When you say, or think, the statement that any thinking person would agree, what you really mean, whether you realize it or not,...READ MORE

How to Recognize a Decoy Question

The decoy question is an unstated preference hidden beneath a proposed choice of options. It’s a trick. So, don’t be fooled. It’s an unintentional trick, but a trick none the less....READ MORE

Are You in Shock?

I threw the iching this morning; I asked it to tell me something good. It had been a rough night and the dawn was beginning to show itself as a tough...READ MORE

I’m No Good

Personally, my being good at something is very closely tied to my sense of self worth. I’d rather it weren’t. I’m working at it not being. But for the time being,...READ MORE

Making Stuff Up

We make stuff up. We tell stories. Our brains are hard wired to do so. We fill in the spaces and the holes of incomplete stories to make them make...READ MORE

How to Feel Like You are Enough

Being enough plays a big part in getting what you want in life. So, as logic follows, being enough and believing you deserve good things is elemental in creating and...READ MORE

How to Stop Fighting

Having fewer fights is more fun. When you stop trying to change another person and stop blaming them for your dissatisfaction and frustrations, you become empowered. And, being empowered is...READ MORE

Bob and Weave

The Bob and Weave – many people have this move perfected. Some people are so adept at bobbing and weaving, the rest of us don’t even realize what’s happened until much...READ MORE

Save The Drama For Your Mama!

Recent science tells us a little stress strengthens the immune system, keeps our brains active and operating well. A little stress can even help protect against various diseases. Studies show that...READ MORE

Life Changing Magic

My blog today is inspired by one of my recent, favorite books – “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo....READ MORE

Being Present

Today, I want you to practice being present. It’s an essential skill to master on your way to experiencing satisfying and thriving relationships.  It’s a critical tool to own, so you...READ MORE

Don’t Tell Me What To Do!

Most people don’t like to be told what to do. It robs them of their personal power. However, there are those who like it because they don’t have to take...READ MORE

I Messages

Replace “You should…” with “I’d like it if you…” Avoid unnecessary conflict and get more of what you desire. FacebookTwitterLinkedIn

Know Your Buttons

I hate waiting for people. I’m an unusually patient person in just about every area of my life, until it comes to physically waiting for someone else to show up....READ MORE

Move the Furniture!

It’s time to move the furniture. I mean this both literally and figuratively. A few weeks ago, our family rearranged our living room furniture. We’d had the same set up...READ MORE

Know Thy Self

It’s a valuable thing to know yourself. The other day, as I was talking with a friend about my reaction to my husband wanting to put a hot tub in...READ MORE

How Do You Go About Getting What You Want?

What is your typicsl modus operandi for getting what you want in life? A. Aggressive B. Passive – Hope and prayer, or dumb ol’ pure luck C. Passive Aggressive D. Assertive...READ MORE

“I Did, So You Should, Too!”

The other day, as I stood in line at the local coffee shop, I was gently accosted by a well caffeinated, well intentioned acquaintance. She was selling raffle tickets and...READ MORE

“I Don’t, So Neither Should You!”

“I don’t, so neither should you!” is a constant and reliable companion to “I did, so you should, too.” I personally like to counter this wayward opinion with, “You’re not...READ MORE

Shame

Today, I was going to write about not being a jerk, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Because today I’m going to write about shame. Today, shame is...READ MORE

Excellent Advice

A good friend of mine recently gave me some excellent relationship advice. And, yes, I need advice, too. Because, “Can’t see the forest for the trees.”  I don’t really like...READ MORE

Don’t Rub Your Eyes!!!

For those of you who aren’t allergy sufferers this point won’t be so dramatic, but you’ll get the gist of it anyway, and that’s what matters. So, why do we...READ MORE

Stop Trying to Control Me!

“You are so bossy and controlling. Stop it!” You can yell as loud and as long as you want to, but that tactic isn’t going to work. If someone is...READ MORE

Why Do I Feel So Alone? Correction, Disconnection

To correct or not to correct, that is the question. The answer is it depends. So, when the urge strikes you to correct someone else’s behavior, Stop, Look and Listen....READ MORE

Practice Saying “NO!”

Practice saying “No” and its semantically softer companions: No thank you. I’d rather not. I don’t think so. Not just now. Maybe another time. I don’t care for that. Thanks for...READ MORE

Word Choice

We are responsible for our communications; however we aren’t responsible for the effect our communication has on another individual. It’s certainly a good idea to notice what the effect has...READ MORE

The Good News, and The Bad News…

I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, it’s all you! The bad news is, it’s all you! When learning to better navigate your relationships...READ MORE

The Benefit of the Doubt Is Free

There is no harm, no foul in giving people the benefit of the doubt, at least for the short term. For instance, let’s say you called a friend and they never...READ MORE

Education, Einstein and the Clone Wars

Yesterday, one of my son’s teachers shared some concerns with me. She told me he needed work on his math facts, that she was going to introduce him to some...READ MORE

Tough Titty said The Kitty, but The Milk’s Still Good

“I don’t want to be someone who…” Well, tough luck, Baby. You’ve got to own it before you can change it, and if it’s who you are at this particular...READ MORE

Are You Telling Yourself the Truth?

Are you showing up in the world as the person you came here to be? That’s the question to ask yourself in these last few months of the year. Whether...READ MORE

Fact or Fiction?

Fact or fiction; truth or tale? Are you focused on the facts or the story you’ve constructed around the facts? Are you looking for what’s true, or are you weaving a yarn...READ MORE

Change is a Process

Change is a process. It takes time. It takes focus and effort. Especially when we are talking about changing an established behavior. On the rare blessed occasion that we just...READ MORE

You Are the Expert

I recently saw an article on Houzz, entitled “Should You Make Your Bed? We Talked to the Experts.” And, if you have read my blog post “Fact or Fiction” you...READ MORE

Shedding Shame

2016 is my year to shed shame! It’s one of my top goals for the year because it’s in my way, and I’ve got people to see and places to...READ MORE

What’s the Difference Between Guilt and Shame?

“What’s the relationship between guilt and shame, and are they related?” (I got asked this question in response to my blog post, Shedding Shame.) My answer is they’re kissing cousins!...READ MORE

Smile and Wave Boys, Smile and Wave.

Many people, and a few penguins, will do anything imaginable to avoid confrontation when faced with blame or shame as a predictable response. We’d rather stick our heads in the...READ MORE

You’d be Crazy Not To…

No, you’d have to be very, very brave! Because the message that is being fired on all cylinders when people tell you, “Everyone would…” translates as – “Anyone with a modicum...READ MORE

But, That’s Just The Way It Is. Right?

“But, that’s just the way it is. I can’t do anything about it.” Uh, no. Not true. “I have no choice” Uh, no, also not true! The one thing you always have...READ MORE

I Deserve…

Now that we are working shamelessly on shedding shame, it’s time to start working on beefing up our I Deserve muscles. Because developing an unflinching, deep seated sentiment that you are...READ MORE

Existential Terror and a Little Bit More of “This or That?”

In spin class today I heard the song, “I Lived” by One Republic. Well, I’ve heard that song a couple dozen times before – I’ve got a teenager. But this...READ MORE

The Human Binary System

Pay attention to the zeros and ones in your personal interactions. We are all a bunch of ones and zeroes – On/Off; Open/Closed; Connection/Disconnection.  And our behavior can foster either...READ MORE

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Don’t believe everything you think, and absolutely don’t believe everything other people think. What is true for someone else may or may not be true for you. There are vey...READ MORE

An Affair to Remember

My husband and I were recently talking about the Ashley Madison website. We were talking about the enormity of it all. What does it say about marriage, fidelity, relationships and...READ MORE

History Repeats Itself

History repeats itself unless we learn from it and do things differently next time. And if that’s not ringing any bells, think about the old cliche, “Insanity means doing the...READ MORE

The Written Word

One of the most essential elements of communication is that the message sent is the message received. Yes, you get points for trying, but not that many. If what you...READ MORE

“I Agree.” Or Do I?….

The ability to make and manage agreements is a cornerstone of satisfying relationships. And dealing with agreements is a ripe breeding ground for conflicts to arise. It can be dang hard...READ MORE

We Are Different, and That’s a Good Thing

I got a note from a friend the other day saying she was in the mountains acclimating for a 100 mile race. My first response was, “Wow!” My second was,...READ MORE

Honesty is the Best Policy

Honesty is the best policy for a number of reasons. First, the thing about the truth is it’s what’s true, so you are going to have to deal with it...READ MORE

Look Where You Want To Go

Eyes on the prize. In general, in most of life’s situations, it is a good idea to look where you want to go and point in the aforementioned direction. I’ve...READ MORE

It’s Not Disneyland

I remember when I was a kid, and I heard that someone was suing my dad because they had tripped over a cement parking bumper (aka the cement block in...READ MORE

You Can’t Get Blood Out of a Stone

“You can’t get blood out of a stone.” No, no you can’t. But, what I think is the most relevant point to the successful day to day operation of our...READ MORE

Sorry Not Sorry

Sorry, not sorry, and other iterations of “I’m sorry.” Short, sweet and heartfelt is the most affective form of apology. Too often, people will try and talk the person they...READ MORE

Cues, Clues and the Mysterious Veils Through Which We Communicate

Interpersonal cues -body language, facial expressions, voice tone and pitch- are great indicators of what is going on during an interpersonal exchange. Think of these cues as a starting point, a spark, to...READ MORE

It’s O.K. To Be Sad

It’s o.k. to be sad, even very, very sad. Sadness, like anger, is a very fine emotion. But, like anger, not all of us are comfortable feeling it or being in the...READ MORE

The Power of “NO” Challenge

Previously, on my blog, I’ve spoken about communicating without making excuses or justifications for your decisions. I challenged you to spend a period of time trying to respond to requests...READ MORE

The Grand Canyon

Sometimes when we are trying to communicate with another person it can feel like crossing the Grand Canyon. There can be a huge chasm between the message we are intending...READ MORE

Personal Manifesto Primer

We could all use a little guidance in becoming the fullest, most authentic expression of our authentic selves. So, here are a few elemental tenets to start thinking about and to begin...READ MORE

“We Get Along Better When…”

Usually it takes two to tango; sometimes we dance alone, but we are always solely responsible for our steps. Most of our relationships involve multiple people. Although there are those...READ MORE

A Battle or A War?

When conflict arises, it’s a good idea to assess whether you are merely engaged in a battle or if you are officially at war. A battle is a conflict that...READ MORE

Meeting People Where They Are

My family and I just spent the better part of a week with a huge group of friends – couples, families, and single folk. It was wonderful, and it provided...READ MORE

Sticking your Stake in the Ground

Sometimes we stick our stake in the ground and hold on for dear life. Our dentist is a master collaborator, and all of his co-workers are exceptional. On our last...READ MORE

Hand Signals

As I was jogging down the bike path, a biker passed me going the other way. I noticed as he slowed to pass me, he made the universal hand signal of...READ MORE

Are You a Conflict Avoider?

Are you a conflict avoider? I am! Surprised? True, I’m an attorney, divorce mediator and specialize in conflict resolution, but that’s other people’s conflict. To that, I say, “Bring it On!”...READ MORE

You’re Too Sensitive

“You’re too sensitive. You need to loosen up. You seem offended; you want me to leave? You acted like this yesterday, too. What’s wrong with you?” I overheard  this conversation...READ MORE

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Don’t believe everything you think, and definitely don’t believe everything everyone else thinks. Notice it. Question it. Pay attention, and then see how it correlates with reality. Do some research. If there...READ MORE

Miscommunication – How to Avoid a Few Unexpected Potholes.

During a story on NPR, David Greene and Shankar Vendantam discussed whether people are more likely to have a miscommunication with a close friend, or partner, vs. a total stranger that they have...READ MORE

The List

Hooray! I’m going to be blogging about lists for the next few days, and I’m so excited to start with this one, “The List.” I love this list. I love...READ MORE

It’s Not a Test

It’s not a test! When you are in relationship with people, it is your responsibility to speak up about what you want and don’t want, like and don’t like. People can’t read your...READ MORE

Small Story, Big Point

My daughter and I were just in San Francisco. I love San Francisco. We were headed to the airport, which always makes me a little sad, and we stopped for...READ MORE

Does It Fit?

“Does it fit?” is a riff on our old friend, the fun and powerful game of “This or That?”  I had a dream last night I was trying to buy...READ MORE

When Why Gets in the Way

I love Why – it’s my go to question. I’m a professional mediator – so by nature, and by training, my first question is always, “why?” Why do you want...READ MORE

Stop Denying Yourself

Stop denying yourself – and I mean that literally and figuratively, and in all the ways you can imagine that it might be taken – in all its possible semantic iterations....READ MORE

Connection

Last night, a dozen women friends and I got Sparked (www.readysetsparked.com). Connection is a choice. Open, shut, control, vulnerable, risk, action, reaction. It’s this or that! We are empowered to...READ MORE